It has been a little over two months since my Mom has gone off to be with my father in heaven and although it seems that she is constantly on my mind, I have an irrational fear that I am forgetting so much of her.
Jack continues to ask for her just about every day, and now that Spring has decided to come a bit early, our time in the backyard is increasing. When playing in the backyard, Jack loves to go into his little house and picks up the phone to tell me that Mom is on the phone. He then tells her about his trucks, that he misses her, that he loves her and that he is going to draw her a picture with sidewalk chalk. My heart melts and breaks all at the same time each time that he does this.
My mind and my hand still continue to reach for the phone to call my mother when I am on my way home from work or when Jack does something that she would love to know.
I have a secret though. While on my way home from work, I listen to old voicemails from her asking me to pick up Twizzlers at Target, telling me that her friends are coming over to visit for a while or that she needs me to call her back when I get this message. Listening to her say my name, talk about Jack and just talk to me like she used to seems to make me feel a bit better. I am so glad that I haven’t deleted these voicemails so that I can always have a little moment where I can hear her talking to me for real.
The past two months have been rough without her, although I know she is always here, but the voicemails offer a bit of comfort that makes me feel better.